Does Facebook ruin our perception of love and relationships? - Thursday's Thoughts

A few days ago, in a group chat I share with two of my best friends, one of them sent through a poorly made meme she found on Facebook. I won't show you the meme, as it really was ugly, but I'm going to quote it for you.

"Marry a man that loves you more than you love him. When you hold a man's hand and he makes your heart beat faster and he makes you giddy and excited, walk away from that man. He is not the man, for you. If you hold a man's hand and he makes you feel warm, safe and secure, hold onto him. This is the man you are going to marry."

She asked us what we thought of this. I thought that this would be a perfect topic for Thursday's Thoughts, as I was already considering writing about the impact Facebook has on modern relationships, love, and expectations. 

As far as the meme goes, like I told my friend, it's easy for us to see something written, and take it as truth, however, I don't feel this particular piece of writing is true. Love doesn't work that way. It doesn't only make you feel one specific way. There's no reason a person can't feel excited and giddy yet safe and secure with the same person. Relationships in general, just aren't that simple either. 

What's missing from this meme is asking the question, which of those men do you communicate best with? Which one treats you as his equal, but also opens doors and pulls out chairs if that's important to you? You can't pull a guide for the perfect person or the perfect relationship from a meme made by some someone on the internet. This is where I feel Facebook has, in a way, sabotaged love. 

I'm not one to believe that everything you see on the internet is either real or fake, its not that black and white. I don't think like that in general, but especially in terms of what people post on Facebook. The fact of the matter is, most people, myself included only really post the good stuff. I'll post a picture of J and his dad standing by the lake staring out with the sun shining behind them, a beautiful scene of a happy family. I'm not going to post the picture of J throwing a fit because he wants to throw sand in his hair and his father and I arguing because I think it's not that big of a deal and he doesn't want J to get dirty. It's not a huge, knock down drag out fight, but it's still not something I think to share. 

This is probably true for most people. What I've found is you have a few different groups of posters. People who only post good, super positive stuff, and if they do share the "bad" stuff, it's super acceptable things like mom struggles, or mild but cute annoyances with their partner. People who don't post much about their lives at all, they really only share meme's and comment on people's pages. Then there are the people who only post the negative. This could be because there's currently nothing positive going on in their life at the moment, but I feel, when it's about a relationship, it's mostly because they aren't communicating with their partner, and this is a way to get their attention. 

You also have your single posters. The ones who will post a status about all the traits they are looking for in a partner, but how it seems impossible to find, as if those traits are the only prerequisites for being in a long lasting-relationship with that person. Of course, there's always at least ten comments below from people who feel they fit those traits stating just that or saying how it's too bad they are taken. I don't know about you, but if you are ever in a relationship and feel the words "too bad I'm taken" coming from your mouth (or fingertips) in a serious matter, perhaps you shouldn't be taken, just a thought.

It's important to add that I don't think there's anything wrong with the way a person chooses to conduct themselves on Facebook. It's every person's purgative to share what they want, and keep private the things they want to keep private. I do, however, feel it's important to know, as an outside viewer of someone else's life through Facebook, to remember only to believe half of what you see/read. 

I myself have fallen victim to the Facebook love trap. I'd get upset with my partner and instead of taking a moment to cool down and then coming and talking to them about it like a mature adult, I whip out my phone and furiously type out a passive aggressive (or sometimes just plain aggressive) status about them. It never ends well, never. Not once have I done this and felt it had a good outcome. Usually it causes a bigger fight and I end up deleting the status, pretending it never happened. 

Then there's the other way Facebook gets us when it comes to relationships. Have you ever found yourself saying or even thinking "Why didn't he like my selfie?" or "Why hasn't she posted about how much she loves me in a while?" We expect our partner's to constantly have their love for us displayed for the world to see. As if them simply saying, "Hey I like that picture you posted today" doesn't matter unless everyone can physically see the like on your page. When they pull you close and tell you how much they love you is it really true if they don't first tell Facebook and the rest of the world? What about #WCW and #MCM? 

Social media as a whole, isn't the devil. It's a way for families and friends to connect, to keep up with each other's lives when life gets top busy, or they just live too far away. It's a way for businesses to grow and reach a larger audience. For some, social media is a job, a way to support their families. It's definitely not all bad. 

However, when it comes to love, I strongly feel that social media, Facebook specifically, sometimes sets unrealistic expectations. Between the number of declarative memes telling you exactly what love is or what it should be, the happy couple that got engaged last week and have the perfect pictures, to your friend posting a status declaring what the perfect person should be/do, how can someone ever expect to compete? It doesn't seem to matter that you don't actually agree with those meme's, or that sure that couple's pictures are pretty but that's not the kind of wedding you want, and you love your friend but you would never date the type of person she's posted about. No, you have to keep up with Joneses, so to say. So you share the memes, comment heart eyes on the lovely couples picture, and give your friends status a heart like. 

By now you're are probably wondering what the solution to this problem is. Honestly, I don't have one. The best I can say is, put your phone down. If you want to know how much your partner loves you, stop scrolling through their Facebook and communicate with them. If you find a meme declaring something about love that you find to be false, either keep scrolling past it, or share it and state why it's wrong. I bet it opens up an interesting conversation in the comment section. As for the happy couple, just be happy for them without thinking you have to literally be them. You aren't going to find your soul mate just by listing off a few traits you find attractive or important in a Facebook status, so maybe go out and meet some people instead. 

The most important thing to remember is that you and your relationship do not have to fit into some mold set out by Facebook, or Instagram, or anything. Love the way you want to love, don't accept love that doesn't help you grow or make you feel good, and try not to focus on what your love life looks like to everyone on Facebook. 

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Hope you enjoyed this weeks Thursday's Thoughts! Whats your opinion on Facebook and it's impact on love and relationships? Leave a comment below and tell me about it! 

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Thanks for reading! 

- Fallon xo