The difference a year makes. - Mommy Monday

Weather is an amazing thing. I live in New Jersey so we experience quite an array of different weather, even in just one season. Currently it's raining. I have my windows open, there's a nice breeze blowing in, but the humidity is making it sticky.

Yesterday was a textbook perfect day, whether wise and just in general. J and I spent the day at the lake with my brother, his wife, and a couple of our close friends. The weather was perfect for this. It wasn't an unbearably hot day where you would melt even if you were in the shade, but it was warm enough to swim and not freeze. My brother cooked tons of food and we were there early enough to get a good set of tables that weren't to far from the lake itself. Aside from a small boo boo J acquired on his toe right as we were getting ready to leave, I'd say he really enjoyed himself.

We did this same thing last year, and if I'm being honest, it was not what I would describe as fun. It was extremely hot, just walking from our table down to the lake I roasted. J was 2.5 and let's just say he was less then pleasant that day. Okay, he was the worst. There's a small playground area and last year we sat right next to it. Close enough that I could be sitting at the table and see him perfectly while he played. That was not good enough for him though. I had to be standing right there. It was just too hot for that.

When it came to swimming, again he was stuck to me like glue. He wanted no part of playing in the water unless I was holding him, which meant that I had to go out far enough so that he could get wet as well. I'm not a fan of big bodies of water that I can't see the bottom in, but hey, we make sacrifices for our kids right. We had set up a small area on the sand by the like last year, thinking J would enjoy playing in the sand. Five minutes into that and he was in full blow tantrum mode because I told him 'no, we can't throw sand at mommy or the people walking by'.

In general, the day was just too much. It was too hot, he was too difficult to entertain, and I was just too over it five minutes after we arrived.

This year, however, it's like I had a whole different kid with me. We were a little further from the playground area, but still close enough that I could see him and he could hear me if I called for him. To my surprise, and delight, he was more than happy to go off and play by himself. We had a huge sandy area right near our tables, it was probably originally set up for horse shoes, but J and his two cousins played in it all day just about, with only a few minor sand throwing incidents. When it came time to go in the water he took off full speed right into it and didn't want to get out. I was amazed, truly.

I remember thinking to myself during the drive there about how difficult the year before was and I was questioning why I would subject myself to this torture again. I guess I thought I was just a gluten for punishment as they say. I had packed copious amounts of snacks, his chair, and tons of beach toys, all in preparation and hopes to keep him happy. He never touched any of his snacks, opting instead for a hot dog and an orange. He sat in his chair once right when we first got there. The toys definitely came in handy though. He dug in the sand, found 'treasures" (rocks), and even enjoyed sharing them with his cousins.

People tell you all the time that things get easier as they get older. I used to hate this saying. For me, at least for a while, it felt like things were getting harder the older he got. Sure, he didn't sleep much as a newborn, but if I needed to, I could put him down and walk away for a moment and he couldn't chase me or stand at the bathroom door screaming 'MOMMY MOMMY' until I finally gave in. If he fused when we were out I would just conveniently nurse him, it was simple. As he got older, it was harder to entertain him and keep him content.

My nieces are both 17 months old and I watched yesterday as their mothers got frustrated with the same things I got frustrated with at that age. Wondering off, not understanding the notion of 'stay right here' or 'come back'. It's a hard age. Even at two, while J knew not to wonder off and would come when I called for him, he was still difficult to entertain. Not to mention, once they can talk, all bets are off. They can complain, and whine, and ask a million questions.

J is a little over 3.5 now and I'll be honest, this is probably the first year I've felt like, wow it really does get easier as they get older. He's potty trained, has an incredible imagination that can keep him entertained for hours, and mostly understands that sometimes mommy can't tend to you right away so just sit and wait. Yesterday was so enjoyable that I was already thinking about how soon we can come back on the ride home.

I never want to be one of those moms that says things like 'you think it's hard now, just wait' or 'don't wish for them to grow up to fast'. I feel like it invalidates the experience mothers are having at that moment, at that age. Sure, it might get harder or it might get easier, I think that mostly depends on your definition of each. But I will say this, some things get harder, and some things get easier, and somethings don't change at all.

Like the weather, my son is constantly changing. Some days I look at him and can't even remember what he was like as a baby, other days I can't wait until he's 16 and mostly independent (at 16 I won't be wiping his butt and if he's hungry he can pop a hot pocket in the microwave, that's what I mean by mostly independent). I do not wish for my son to stay little forever, I would literally go insane, and I do my best to cherish the moments as they happen, but I am enjoying watching him grow up. Every year he's older and more aware and capable and I love it.

If I had written this post last year it would have been very different and I think there's beauty in that.

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Thanks for reading!
- Fallon xo